Eating Crow

Whew. Last week was an astrologically challenging week.
I have never questioned the existence of a higher power. Maybe it’s because I’m always looking for patterns, but sometimes, I see near-instantaneous responses for my actions.

Usually, it’s for saying some crude or ill-considered comment. The Universe likes to keep me in line. If every human is supposed to learn some lesson every lifetime, my lesson has got to be to stop talking so much shit. I don’t know where words come from. I don’t know. Half the time, they just seem to come out, like I’m thinking out loud — totally unfiltered. With my sense of humor, I’m usually joking and don’t even mean it.

For instance, I might make some wise-crack about “people who wear baseball caps”, and then realize, to my horror, that my client sitting right behind me is wearing a baseball cap (true story), or the time I told my stepdad and his wife that I don’t believe in divorce. yep…

I am a master at saying the absolute worst thing at exactly the right time.
It’s like a performance piece where I demonstrate how I can fit my entire foot into my mouth, and the performance begins right after I make a statement beginning with, “I always….” or, “I never….”

Just last week I was like, what is the purpose of the first interview phone call? Is it just to see if they can answer the phone? Blah blah blah, yuk yuk yuk. Well, the Universe responded with a heaping helping of crow.

Making the transition from Art/Design into Tech has been hard. Ageism is real. I’m competing against the twenty-something folks moving to Portland from Silicon Valley, and despite the self-taught nature pervading the tech industry, there is a bias against “boot campers”. Some of my interviews have been brutal. One Software Engineering Manager started the interview with, “We realize you don’t know C#, but we wanted to test you in C# to see how fast you can learn it.” Actually, that was my very first professional technical interview. Yeah, I didn’t get that job.

Last week’s phone interview was the worst, yet. The theory side of programming is where my knowledge lacks. In a coding boot camp, they teach you “the how”. They teach you how to throw up a react app or an accessible, responsive webpage, but we don’t go deeply into why we architected everything that way.

Once, years ago, I applied for a position in a finance department and got in the door. I have no background nor experience nor any education in finance. At all. That interview was uncomfortable, to say the least, but they were cordial. This phone interview was worse than that. I realize that you’re not supposed to say, “I don’t know,” during a job interview, but he was literally speaking a different language — C#, again. By the end, I was drenched in sweat and raging the Imposter Syndrome pretty hard.

At first, I curled up and died, but that didn’t last long because I had to fetch the kids from school.

The only people who fail are those who give up. As a constructive solution, I resolved to create flashcards. I’ve got a couple hundred now, with questions I’ve been asked like, “Can you abstract a sealed class?” and “Why would you use an OOP?” and “What is the difference between an array and a list array?” and “Describe various architectural patterns,” and “What’s the difference between a clustered and unclustered database?”

It’s Monday, and there is a whole week ahead.
At least I wasn’t the one who approved this Mario World design!

Yoshi is a terrible proof-reader.

Yoshi is a terrible proof-reader.

I spotted this gem at Quarter World on Hawthorne. Oops.